Want to Storm the Capitol and Commit Major Felonies and Treason Because You’re Gullible and Some Crazy Conspiracy Dude Named “Q” Said So? Well Then, You’re in the Right Place!

So, you’ve decided that listening to some enigmatic online entity named “Q” is a great life choice? And storming the Capitol is on your bucket list right after “believing every meme you see”?

Well, buckle up, patriot! You’re about to embark on the most ill-advised adventure of your life. Because, you know, why not? Election season is coming quick and you have choices to make!

As always, BWC is here to guide you, step by step as you make one of the worst decisions of your life… again. (Besides of course thinking that your significant other is “truly the one.” Yeah, let’s see how that works out. The gas-lighting, the misplaced anger, seeing them clip their toenails, night farts. Yep, they’re the one, no doubt…)

But, I digress. You’ve already made so many other poor life choices, why not another one?

So, here’s your ultimate step by step guide to ruining your life even further, should you choose to do so, which, you probably will.

Let’s get right to it.

Step 1: Believe Everything You Read Online

First things first, if you want to be a top-notch insurrectionist, you have to believe everything you read online. And I mean everything. If someone posts that the world is flat, then dammit, it must be! If someone says that lizard people are running the government, then it’s time to invest in some reptile repellent (on sale now at Amazon, please follow our affiliate link.) The key here is to never question anything, especially if it’s written in ALL CAPS.

Step 2: Find Your Leader, Preferably One with a Single Letter Name

Every movement needs a leader, and what better leader than someone who goes by a single letter? It’s mysterious, it’s edgy, and it’s super easy to remember. “Q” is the perfect choice. After all, who needs credentials when you have a cool pseudonym? (like yours truly, Polly Politix.) And remember, the more cryptic and vague the messages, the better. Only YOU and the cult… I mean “crew” understand, you’re the chosen ones!

Step 3: Assemble Your Cult, I Mean, Crew

Now that you’re fully indoctrinated, it’s time to find like-minded individuals. Look for people who use phrases like “Wake up, sheeple!” or “Do your own research!” (but remember, “research” means watching YouTube videos made by other gullible dummies, like you.) Once you’ve found your cult, I mean, crew, make sure to communicate using the most secure method available: memes.

Step 4: Plan Your Big Day

Alright, you’ve got your cult, I mean, crew, and you’re fueled by the “truth.” Now it’s time to plan your big day. And what better place to make a statement than the Capitol? But remember, this isn’t just any trip to the Capitol. This is a special trip. You’re overthrowing the government, goddammit! So, make sure to dress the part. Think Viking helmets, face paint, and mismatched camo. The more ridiculous, the better. After all, you want to be remembered and easily recognizable by security cameras, right? What true blooded, American patriot wouldn’t!

Step 5: Ignore All Logic and Reason

This step is crucial. If someone tries to present you with facts or logic, cover your ears and shout, “La la la, I can’t hear you! Do you’re own research, snowflake!” Remember, you’re on a mission, and nothing can stand in your way, especially pesky things like reality.

Step 6: Document Everything

In today’s digital age, if you don’t post it on social media, it didn’t happen. Make sure to live-stream your escapades. Take selfies with statues, stealing lecterns and Pelosi’s laptop, wiping your own feces on the walls of the capitol, ya know, whatever your crazy spider brain is telling you to do in the moment, go for it, don’t think, act! Also, VERY IMPORTANT, tweet, tiktok, insta and fb every thought that comes to your mind. Because nothing says “I’m committing major felonies” like broadcasting it to the world.

Step 7: Face the Consequences (Even Though You Didn’t Think That Far Ahead and You’re White and Didn’t Think You’d Have To)

After your day of “glory,” you might find that not everyone is as impressed with your actions as you are. Weird, right? But don’t worry, just retreat back to your online echo chamber and bask in the adoration of your fellow gullible comrades. And if the authorities come knocking, which they will, just tell them you were following the advice of a mysterious online figure. I’m sure they’ll understand. If nothing else, federal law enforcement is famous for their empathy and compassion for treasonous traitors like you. Good luck patriots!

In Conclusion…

If you’ve followed this guide, congratulations! You’ve successfully shown the world just how gullible and easily fooled you are, but still a damn good patriot! Hey, at least you had fun, right? Well, until the jail cell part. And remember, the next time someone named “Z” or “Y” or “WTF” drops some cryptic messages online, you’ll be ready to spring into action. Because who needs critical thinking when you have the internet?

Stay safe out there, super patriots!

Trust the plan. 3hys67&6yhsj stargate 474 telegram for coordinates.

Your faithful servant and world’s best American, Polly Politix, signing off.